In a Boat Without a Paddle

Today I pulled out my black suit jacket and rolled it with my lint brush so I don’t have another unfortunate incident in the parking lot tomorrow. As much as I’m going to miss Scooter when I got back to work, I don’t want to bring pieces of him with me on my jacket! You know.. Dog fur. I had to clarify because that sounded kind of gross.

As I was rolling the jacket, I slowed down and got nostalgic. I can remember buying this Suit not long after I got laid off. I was so optimistic! So sure that it was going to get me hired fast! I remember my first interview for a job I didn’t get.

I also remember getting it dry cleaned and then waiting. And waiting. It felt like forever! Then I finally used it for the job agencies. Still nothing. And then without an interview, or the suit, I finally get a (temporary) job!

But I will be taking him with me tomorrow. (Yes, my suit is a him. I don’t know why. It just popped into my head… Let’s go with it.)
 
I’m so nervous. It doesn’t help that we are supposed to get a couple inches of snow tonight (really?!?) and I don’t do well in snow. But it’s supposed to stop early and I don’t have to be there until 10, so I’m hoping the timing works out.

I have a list of things I need to do. And my friend Susie gave me some good advice that I added to the list: Just breathe. I have to remember to do that!

I will be ok. There are so many worse things I could be doing. I could be on a boat in the middle of the ocean like Robert Redford in All is Lost. (My new motto. Think of Robert Redford in a boat). That Slooh asteroid could be coming directly at us instead of missing us by a couple million miles or so.

So that’s it. I could be Robert Redford. Or be hit by an asteroid. I do know how to put things in perspective!

Wish me luck…

Faking It

If you are my friend on Facebook then you know that I signed a job offer on my birthday. It’s the temporary job I was waiting for in my last post and starts on Tuesday. Do you know how when you are scared and almost dreading something, time just flies by? That’s what’s happening here.

Only two more days until I have to work. I was hired without an interview, so I don’t even know these people except by email and phone.

I feel like I have so much more I need to do before working again. I wanted to learn to knit! I had more cross stitch projects I wanted to do. How am I going to watch Bones and Friends? Who is going to keep Scooter and the cats company?

There’s no doubt I needed a job and I’m happy to have one, but I’d gotten used to a more relaxed lifestyle and how I can go back to the other way now?

I have lists of things I feel I need to do, but I haven’t written them down. A haircut. Clothes. Shoes. What am I going to wear? Obviously my interview outfit the first day, but what is their dress code going to be?

I feel like it’s the first day of school. In a new school. I did that once. I can do this too. And nobody is as judgmental as high school kids. Compared to that, this will be a piece of cake! Mmm… Cake.

The lady that I met at third job agency told me that she was an introvert so she has to “fake it until she makes it.” I keep thinking that’s what I’ll have to do at first. Not fake my personality, but fake the confidence that I rarely actually feel except in writing. And Facebook.

I just have to focus. Get on track. I can do this. I CAN DO THIS. Fake it until I make it baby!

And eat plenty of cake.

The Waiting Game

I got a job offer this week. It’s a temporary job, but not through a job agency. The company contacted me on their own. I’m still waiting for them to finalize the paperwork and send me an offer letter. All of this makes me very nervous. Just the job description is extensive and it’s been so long since I worked. But it’s temporary which means I’m not committing to anything.

But I’m still waiting… And waiting. It’s 1:49. I’m hoping to hear something soon or I won’t hear anything until Monday. I don’t even know when I’ll start. It would be kind of sucky to start around my birthday, but if that’s what I have to do…

3:48: I just got the email and it looks like details have been put off until a meeting on 2/11. I guess that’s a sign I might not be working on my birthday, yet I was kind of hoping to go to work soon.

I guess that’s the way it is in the employment game. It’s a waiting game! Hey, that’s the title of this blog entry. Wow. That’s quite a coincidence!

Stay tuned because I do have another moscato to try his weekend!

So Saucy

Lately I’ve been looking at old cookbooks. Whenever we go to thrift stores or used bookstores, I  like to skim through them because some of the older recipes are just…gross and strange. My mom brought over some cookbooks she had and one of them was a children’s cookbook from 1963. “For the Hostess and Host of tomorrow.” Yeah, I’m scared too.

This is the first picture I see:



Timmy: “Watch me take out my saucy frank…”

Sally: “Your frank is saucy. So plump…”

Just in case you thought I was making this up…



Saucy Franks give you plenty of spicy sauce for the buns… That’s what he said!



After Amanda made herself a grape float, she went straight to the convent.



When life gives you lemons, this clown will suck out your soul!




Even I don’t need a recipe for cinnamon toast and I’m blonde!



Would anyone like to board the S.S. Bob? Destination…eww.
 


Kids, if anyone wants to put a egg in your bun, say NO. Trust me.



Why is the girl on her knees making “some-mores”? That’s not right! “Baby get down and make me some-more.” At least it wasn’t saucy franks.



Here’s a close-up. Feels like it might be one of those swingers clubs, but with snacks.



Have I ever tasted a doughnut sundae?? Hell no! That sounds like the best invention EVER! Why is the moon walk the biggest achievement we hear about from the 60’s? We had doughnut sundaes! The 60’s WERE awesome.  I’m so trying that.



This is not what you might thinking reading the word drumstick. It’s ground beef on a stick. With bacon on it. Yeah, it’s that awesome.



My spaghetti brings all the monkey’s grinders to the yard… This is disturbing in many ways. First of all, why is this man lurking around this young girl’s window? And why is spaghetti made with Vienna Sausages? It’s literally a can of spaghetti with Vienna sausages added. It’s redneck spaghetti! Or unemployed person spaghetti. Hmm… 



This soup. Not so super…



Someone once offered me their magic white sauce. It was not what I expected..



“If Father serves at your house, the plates belong in a stack at his place.” Father cannot be bothered to get up and serve people.



I don’t know what to say about this. It’s under “salads”. It’s pineapple, two nuts, and some cherries? So much innuendo… Brain…over…load….



This is a tomato sandwich salad. It’s layers of tomato and cottage cheese. And lettuce. Mmm….

Well, that concludes our trip back in time. There was so much more I could’ve commented on. Like when they tell you that you can make breakfast for your mom, “ask Dad if he’d turn out in time to make a pot of coffee for you.” Turn out? There was also apple sauce made from Red Hot’s and Perky cooky (sic) faces made from vanilla wafers. So many ways to scare away any guests who come to your house for dinner!
 
Now I have to go. It’s Doughnut Sundae time!! It’s going on my shopping list right after Vienna Sausage…

What Was I Thinking? Summer Lovin’ Edition

Growing up in the 80’s, tanning was still the thing you did in the summer. As soon as the temps went up, the girls got out the Coppertone oil, grabbed their bathing suits and laid out in their chaise lounges in the backyard. Sunscreen was for wusses! 

I was so pale I could get mistaken for paper, but despite that, I always thought every summer was the summer I was going to get that elusive tan. I went after it like ‘squach hunters go after Sasquatch…only with less feces in the woods. I was determined every summer was the one!

Tans were so important that I dreaded going to school during summer and shorts season more than any other season of the year. Even though we had summer breaks, you still had a little overlap where you had no choice but to wear shorts or die of heat exhaustion. Air conditioning back then wasn’t what it is now. It was non-existent in buses. Then there was gym and recess…well, you get the point.

Over the years, I had my fair share of teasing and bullying, but one of the insults that sticks in my head was a boy who called me, “Albino.” Now in restrospect it seems kind of tame, but for some reason it was so insulting at the time, I’ve never forgotten it.

Wanting a tan made me do very strange things. My mom brought over some more pictures the other day and I found this one:



As soon as I found this picture, I groaned at my past self, “Oh Dear God, why?”

I remember this picture and this day. It was at a family cookout (which is why my late uncle is letting my cousins out of our little kid prison–er, I mean our tent trailer that we opened up in the middle of our backyard…because that’s how we rolled back in the day) and I wanted my face to get tanned. So instead of waiting for a time when I was alone and nobody could witness my psycho sun worshiping, I did it in front of everyone. And I can’t say I did it for a short period of time. This went on for awhile! Way too long.

As you can tell by my pale, freckled (albino) face, it was pretty much a waste of time. But thanks to the magic of photography the moment has been framed forever…and ever.

Maybe I can tell people I was doing yoga… It’s the sitting down warrior pose! Yes, that’s it….

Look at this Photograph…

Do you remember a time before digital cameras when whatever pictures you took was the ones you were stuck with? Back then there was no do-overs. You couldn’t screen your pictures before posting them online (what was online?) or printing them out. In those days, you would fill a roll of film with pictures and when you were done, you take it to the drugstore or grocery store to be developed. A week or so later (or the next day when they started 24 hour developing) you would pick them up. The pictures you imagined were totally awesome would be… Not awesome.

The other day when I was looking for blog ideas, I found pictures of a day back in the 90’s that I spent with my friend Susie at the mall. It just reminded me how very un-photogenic I truly am. She looked like a model in the pictures and I looked like.. err… Well, I’ll show you.

Here she is eating a French fry:



She looks beautiful. Perfect lipstick, great smile! There’s even a Cinnabon behind her with the sign: “Served Oven Hot.” She really was oven hot!

There there’s me:



Do not adjust your monitors. I am that pale! Like Susie, I’m eating, but instead of looking sexy, I look like a hamster hoarding food in her cheeks. My bangs are awful because it was the 90’s and they weren’t happy about it. There’s an Arby’s behind me and as tasty as their food is, it just reminds people of hot beef. Not exactly a Cinnabon!

Here’s another picture of Susie:



Even though these pictures are posed, she looks natural. Like, oopsie, I dropped something! Let me flip my hair and pick it up! Ooo, look at my long golden locks flowing behind my back!

Me again:



I’m sitting by a mall fountain thinking pensively to myself. A very natural pose. Everyone has deep thoughts in a crowded mall eatery, right? What’s up with the woman wearing a red coat with a blue shirt underneath? Thanks for adding to the absurdity of the picture! Then there’s the little girl photobombing me. I appreciate her attempt to add some cuteness to this picture, but nothing is going to help it at this point. Especially when there’s someone wearing a Cosby sweater in the background. My bangs are getting angrier. They are trying as hard as they can to band together and blind me in one eye.

One more picture:


Susie still looks good, her hair over one shoulder, lipstick still perfect. She has the frilly shirt with big sweater that just somehow works. Then you look at me… My eyes are closed, my pants are way too tight, my bangs have somehow spread out in an attempt to blind me in both eyes and what’s with my jacket? (I can’t even talk about the paisley shirt) I’m not sure why we posed in front of the Aladdin display, but that magic lamp is ejaculating all over me!

And what is a Love Field?? Whatever is it, you have to be over 13 to go there!

This is why I hide whenever someone pulls out a camera. I know what’s going to happen. Everyone else is going to look like a contestant for America’s Next Top Model and I will look like something they created on Face Off!

But this is me. It’s how I am. it’s not like I don’t have other talents. Like storing food in my cheeks for winter! Does anyone want some fruit cake from Christmas?

Until next time… Enjoy the Nickelback earworm from my title! You are welcome…

Muscat Love

Back around Christmas, my friends put a bottle of wine in my Christmas Care package. I opened it up on Christmas day and it was really good. Since then I’ve looked everywhere–even on the website listed on the bottle and haven’t found anymore bottles of the wine. I haven’t totally given up, but it’s time to move on. I was telling Katie about it and she said I should try a different Moscato every week or month and blog about it.

That’s why I’ve decided to do a Moscato experiment! For science of course.

According to Urban Dictionary:

Moscato is a sweet slightly sparkling wine made from muscat grapes made popular by rappers such as kanye west. (sic)

See! I’m as cool as Kanye West! I always knew I was!

Since I’m unemployed, my first experiment is with a cheap wine that I heard good things about. From Kanye and Kim of course.

It’s Barefoot Wine’s, Moscato.



It’s also 10% off at the grocery store so score! Since I still don’t have any wine glasses, I buy some super fancy cups at the store as well.



That’s right! I do things right! Just like Kanye! “ULTRA” Designer cups!

I have my wine. I have my pizza. Now it’s time to drink! I open up a Word document and go to work. Last night was also the night for me to do my Melly’s Saturday Night Story Snark on Facebook, so that’s what I’m talking about when I say snarking. (If you want to join the group, click on this link and ask to join: https://www.facebook.com/groups/357546877655252/)

So here it is. My scientific results of the Moscato experiment:

****

Experiment: Barefoot Moscato

8:00. I pour the wine into my fancy plastic cup. Half a bottle of wine fills up the cup. Awesome! Redneck style is good. The wine is a bit bubbly and sweet, but is too warm. I should’ve refrigerated it more.

I decide to put it back in the refrigerator when Smoke tells me to put it in the freezer instead.

Me: “The bottle or the glass?”

Him: “Both.”

I go to put it in and it’s hard to find a place amongst the Lean Cuisine’s and Hot Pockets, but I manage. Score!

8:21: I take out the cup. It’s a bit chilled and ready for drinking. I have to get my snarking on and it’s time to kick it up a notch. A sign of a good wine is when you say things like, kick it up a notch.

8:35: Took the bottle out and poured some more. The colder it gets, the better it gets, but there’s still a little aftertaste to it. Maybe I need a palate cleanser like a cake. Good thing I bought a Creme-filled Angel Cake!

Oh yes. Much better! I’m supposed to be on my Facebook snark page but the internet hates me. Why??

The Big Bang Theory is funny on a regular day, but when you are buzzing, it’s enough to make you pee your pants.

8:42: Texting Katie is a lot harder when you are starting to buzz.

8:46: Just took a couple selfie’s while waiting for my internet to decide what it’s going to do.

8:56: I finally got some snarking in but the buzz is quickly wearing off. Must drink faster! Just like all the fancy wine tasters do.

9:00: Still snarking but keep getting distracted by Jimmy Fallon’s special. Already seen it but I can’t get enough of Jimmy. that man is FINE.

10:29: I’ve almost drank all of the wine and I’m getting sleepy. I’m still snarking on the Facebook page, but I’m not sure if anybody is still out in Facebook land. I’m still yawning a bit.

I do have to say that this wine isn’t quite as sweet as the other Villa Alena. And not as fizzy. But it’s good!

11:02. I’m so sleepy but I don’t want to go to sleep already. I want to keep snarking. I don’t want to waste this wine buzz! I’m going to drink some more wine and find my second wind! Once in awhile I want trade my sleepiness with someone who has insomnia.

11:28: All I want to do is sleep, but I keep denying myself. Why?

Ok. My overall opinion is that it’s sweet and smooth, but still has a bit of a bite. It wasn’t as effervesant as the last wine I had, but I wouldn’t say no to more.

I can’t wait to try my next!

****

Overall I’d say that the wine was good, but not as good as the one before. On a Buzz scale, I’d give it 7 out of 10. I am happy to say that I didn’t drink the entire bottle, but I came close!

Onto my next wine. If anyone knows a good Moscato, please recommend it! I’ll put it on the list.

Until next time… Kick it up a notch!

Love in an Elevator

Job Agencies Part III

It’s a good thing I didn’t go to more than three job agencies since I don’t know Roman Numerals past three.

Yesterday I had an appointment with the local agency only 15 minutes away from my house so I didn’t have to get ready as early. I did pick a different shirt and a different necklace this time. Mix it up a little!

The only part I worried about was parking. It’s located in the old part of town, which means limited parking options. I haven’t parallel parked since my driving test back in 1991. To say I’m rusty is an understatement. So I leave about 45 minutes early.

I’m there in 15 minutes, which also gets me to the office a half an hour early. That is way too early for me! But that’s okay since I still need to find the office. First: Parking.

Even though parking is free, there are time limits. On the street it’s an hour and on some side streets, 30 minutes. I’m already 30 minutes early and I have no idea how long it will take so I find a three hour parking lot and park there. Of course I still need to walk and find the place.

Luckily, it’s a mild day (like 45 degrees…a heatwave!) so I’m not walking around the town freezing my ass off. I hold up my phone and use the “walking” option of my GPS. I follow where it tells me but I can’t find it anywhere. I pass a fire station (where I’m paranoid the trucks are going to come screaming out, sirens flashing and run me over) and pass detentions centers, sheriff’s offices and all kinds of fun places and then back to where my car is parked. Yikes. I’ve now walked in a circle. Great. I can even get lost walking!

I try again. I feel like the people smoking on the corner have already seen me once before and are now laughing at me. Where is Andy Griffith when you need him? I would even take Barney at this point. I look at my phone and start walking again. If I had a map, I could get in it, but I only have a phone and stepping on it might break it. I finally decide maybe I need to cross a road. Yes, now I’m thinking outside the box! Go me!

I cross the road and start paying attention to the addresses since my GPS swears I’m right there. There’s just no signs with the agencies name on it. I finally find the correct street address but the only signs are for a credit counseling service and a campaign headquarters. Since I’m desperate at this point (yet still early), I open the door. It creaks open to this huge space that leads to a tall staircase and I realize it’s an old historical building that was probably once a spacious townhouse, but is now offices. The suite number I need starts with a three, so I have to walk up three stories. In one day, I go from elevator’s to old creaking staircases. The railings are short because apparently people used to be shorter and it takes getting used to.

After all the walking I did around town and after climbing up three sets of steps, I’m out of breath by the time I find the office. At least I got a workout in! The office is small, just the one desk and there’s a lady sitting there. She stands up and introduces herself then closes the door, putting a “do not disturb” sign on it.

We exchange small talk–I amuse her with stories of how lost I got (always good times), and then she hands me a folder of paperwork to fill out. She goes back to her desk and I tackle the application. I can’t help but think of my last two interviews. The first one had everything on a computer and the second had me fill out an application at home and didn’t even take it. This one is all by hand, which is fine, because the office is quiet and cozy and l feel less stress than I did at any of the other places.

Finally the paperwork is done and she comes over to my table and starts talking. It’s a full fledged interview, where she asks my strengths and weaknesses, although she doesn’t ask me where I see myself in five years, because that’s always a hard question for me. I don’t see myself past 2:00 this afternoon! (Other than wine. I will be drinking wine!)

After the initial interview is over, she starts talking to me about job options. She’s honest about the limited opportunities in this small town. Too many people wanting to work locally and not enough jobs to go around. I knew that walking in so I’m not discouraged. Then she starts giving me job hunting advice. She’d been out of work for three months before her current job and knows what it’s like.
 
It’s weird because I suddenly feel like she really sees me as a person and not just a potential employee. She sees a person who got laid off from a job and feels a little insecure and down. Her advice is so good, I start writing it down because even though some of it I’d read about, it was different hearing it from someone who had actual experience. Her sympathy makes me feel emotional for the first time since starting this tour of agencies. Maybe it’s part of her job, but I don’t think so. Her job is to place me for her clients and not to help me find a job with another company.

She had one opening to run by me but immediately I know it’s not for me. The first four lines dealt with talking to people on the phone and selling them stuff and telephones are my kryptonite. You know how they say that when looking at a food label the first three ingredients shows what the product contains the most of? It’s true of jobs too. The first three or four things are what you’ll be doing the most. I tell her I will consider it because I can’t say no, but even if I could, I do like to think about things first anyway. I’m a thinker. I like to pose like the thinker too.

As I’m leaving she tells me there’s an elevator I can use, but honestly, I’m kind of scared the elevator is almost as old as the building. Once a week on an elevator is enough! I think Aerosmith exaggerated the appeal of elevators.

As I make my way down the steps, there are women taking a tour and for the first time I see there are plaques on the wall showing the history of the building. I wish I can stop and read them but the ladies are there and I don’t feel like talking anymore. I can only talk so many hours a day. I’m tired. (See! This is why a sales job would never work for me).

On the way home I consider just interviewing with that job anyway, but decide not to. I’ve done telephone work a few times in my 20’s, and I never got comfortable with it, no matter how long I tried it. I don’t think that’s changed in my late 30’s. (Shut up! I know I’ll be 40 in 13 days, but I’m stretching out my late 30’s as long as I can!)

I email her thanking her for talking to me and letting her know how much I enjoyed meeting her and how I didn’t think I would represent them very well if I interviewed for that job. She thanked me for getting back to her and said she’d consider me for other opportunities.

After all I went though this week, I still don’t have a job. But all hope is not lost! I did get an email from another company (not an employment agency) altogether. They asked me to send them my resume to be considered for a temporary position. The location really sucks though. It’s not the worse place I could work like DC or in an elevator, but it’s up there. I’m going to pursue it anyway because the job sounds kind of cool and it’s temporary so I’ll be able to take other positions if they come up.

That’s my employment agency experiences this week. I hope you learned something. Like Melly has a really weird phobia about elevators. And shares way too any details.

Until next time!

Started From the Bottom

Job Agencies Part II

Yesterday was my appointment with the employment agency not far from my last job. It’s not my ideal location, but at this point I’m open to anything. This is also the flaky agency that forgot to send me a confirmation for my last appointment. My opinion wasn’t changed much after my visit.

But first I have to get ready again. Getting ready to go places now is an ordeal that starts early. Gone are the days when I could get ready to go to work on autopilot. Now I have to dig out an iron to iron my pants (using a towel on the floor… Ironing board, what’s that?). I pick a purple shirt to wear under my suit jacket and put on my jewelry. I put on the hooker boots and off I go. I have to leave an hour and a half early to guarantee I’ll be there on time. This time I leave Scooter and Smoke home.

I do take my Drake CD with me. That’s the one thing about driving alone. You can play your own music! Drake is my inspiration. Started from the bottom, now I’m here! Driving to a job agency, now I’m here!

When Drake and I get there, I have to park in a parking garage, and it’s still cold so there’s a lot of walking and freezing. I’m so spoiled! I text Katie the floor of garage I’m parked in so I don’t have a Seinfeld situation where I lose my car and my fish dies. You never know! They might provide a free fish!

It’s been a long time since I’ve been near an actual office building. The last building I worked in was a warehouse with office space. That still doesn’t excuse me acting like a country pumpkin looking at the elevators like crazy contraptions that take you up in the air. Golly! I manage to get the flying boxes to take me up to the 4th floor, where the company is located.

When I walk in there’s nobody at the front desk, but there is a sign-in sheet. I start signing my name when a woman walks up and says, “Are you here to meet with someone?”

“No, I just wandered off the street and found this company randomly,” is what I want to say. What I do say is, “Yes, I’m here to see Blah, Blah.”

“Ok, have a seat and I’ll let her know you’re here.”

I sit down and notice that the color scheme seems to be orange. Not the orange of the 70’s, (which would’ve been awesome), but more of a burnt orange. Kind of a Denver Bronco’s orange. (Did you like that? Topical! Five years later if I read this, I’ll have no idea what it means. Dear Future Melly, the Denver Bronco’s are playing the Seattle Seahawks in the Super Bowl. A Super Bowl is a football game between…. Wait, that will probably still make sense).

Orange is everywhere. It’s mixed into a gigantic dried flower arrangement on the table in front of me. It’s in the material of the chair I’m sitting in which have a tiny clouded glass plate welded to the right arm rest. You could use it to write on a Post-It. Or eat a cracker.

The lady comes back and lets me know that Blah, Blah is finishing up something and will be with me in a minute. After she leaves at least four other people ask me if I’m being helped. A receptionist never shows up. A group of employees starts congregating around holding pads of paper, obviously going to a meeting. It’s crazy how out of touch I already feel with office life. It wasn’t that long ago I was holding a pad of paper on a way to a meeting!

Finally, Blah, Blah comes back and introduces herself and leads me to a conference room. She seems to have a hard time turning on the light. She stands there waving her arms until they come on, explaining, “I never use this room.” That leads me to believe she doesn’t have a lot of clients or I’m not good enough for the VIP conference room. “Don’t let the blonde too far into the building. She doesn’t know how to work a elevator.”

The conference room table is small and kind of cracked and old looking. It makes me think of my last office when it was new and we weren’t allowed to even bring in drinks to the new conference room tables. Now it makes sense to me.

She starts the normal interview questions, asking about what kind of work I do and about my experience. The location I want to work. She apologizes for not sending me the confirmation email and explains that I need to leave a message to contact her because her phone “doesn’t show missed calls.”

O…k. Finally, she lets me know I’m going to be meeting with another one of her colleages who will see if she has any openings for me. She leaves me alone. That’s when I get that feeling…you know the one. When you think something is on your nose. I start to panic until I remember that the other day my mother gave me something and I never took it out of my coat pocket…



Yes, that’s a foldable cat mirror! For once my crazy cat lady tendencies worked in my favor! I take it out and check that everything is ok just before she walks back in.

“Boo, Boo got pulled into a meeting, so you won’t be meeting her today.” For a minute I’m flabbergasted. It’s weird because you’d think that she would be pulled out of a meeting for someone that might make them money. But maybe I’m misunderstanding employment agencies.

She hands me a business card. “I ran out of business cards, so I wrote my information on this.”

And readers, I shit you not, she had used someone else’s business card and crossed out their information and wrote her own. Professional, no? I begin to wonder if maybe she’d given me a fake number. She shakes my hand and then kind of flitters out of the room leaving me to wander out on my own. I pass by her talking to the receptionist that has now magically returned. I’ve been dismissed.

I leave the office and go back down the magic boxes (first finding a public restroom in the hallway…yes, so sad). I didn’t need the text because I actually did remember where I parked.

It really was a surreal experience. She didn’t take the job application that they had me fill out in the email. She didn’t take any of my information, which leads me to wonder if they even wanted me there. Maybe they will find me a job, but it mostly felt like a waste of time and gas. I started from the bottom and I’m still there… I still haven’t tried the number yet. I’m kind of scared too. It might end up being a deli. (Friends reference of course).

I went to another employment agency today that was much better, but this story took so long, I’ll save it until tomorrow.  

To be continued…

Crash Test Dummy

Hello! I apologize for not posting on Monday. I loaned out my laptop and was working on a cross stitch project I really wanted to finish.

So Monday was the interview with the first job agency. Since this was in an area I wasn’t familiar with, I invited Smoke along for a ride. He decided we should bring Scooter too.

But first I had to get ready. Since it was a job agency I decided to wear a suit jacket and pants (instead of the skirt–it’s too cold for a skirt!). I also decided to pull out my hooker boots. Ok, they aren’t really hooker boots, but they do have the zipper on the side like Julia’s in Pretty Women. They just aren’t as tall. They do have heels. They are a couple years old, but make me feel confident.  

After we leave, I quickly find out that having a dog with light colored fur, who seems to shed a lot more than a short haired dog should, is a problem when you are wearing a black suit jacket. I’m constantly brushing off my sleeve because for some reason he enjoys leaning against me. I’m pretty sure it’s on purpose.

The drive down there is a long, about an hour, but it’s a straight shot. Compared to my last commute which was going towards the city (the city being DC) and along many different highways and back ways, this drive seems so easy! Why hadn’t I thought of this area before?

We find the agency with about 10 minutes to spare. I’d put my bag of emergency supplies in the back, so that’s where my lint roller is. I open up the trunk and Scooter pops out and tries to jump on me. “Mommy, please don’t leave me! Take me to your interview!”

I’m pushing him off because he’s just defeating the purpose of the lint roller while at the same time Smoke is pulling him back in. There are windows facing the parking lot and in the back of my mind I can just see all of these people looking out saying, “This women can’t even go anywhere without her dog! Does she think she’s Paris Hilton?”

I stuff Scooter back in the car and do the best I can with the lint roller. Then I take a deep breath and go into the agency.

I give the lady at the desk my name and she has me sit down in the reception area. There are windows facing the parking lot and I can see Scooter in the back of the car staring down the building I’m in. For a minute I wonder if he can somehow see me from that distance. He’s a spooky dog!

The lady has me go back to a computer and fill out a survey. This survey has questions like, “When was the last time you did Meth?” Uh… Did these people watch Breaking Bad too much? I type, “I’m doing it right now.” Ha! Not really. There are also questions about cocaine, pot, prescription drugs and alcohol. They keep asking you if you would steal from the company. The way they phrase the questions seem kind of tricky at times so you really have to read them. Since I’m pretty clean (unless you count coffee and life), I finish the survey in no time.

She tells me to sit back in the waiting area and I ask her where the restroom is (see list about turning 40). As she’s leading me there, I’m like, “I’m sorry. I’ve been driving a while.” A voice in my head is like, “Are you apologizing for needing the restroom? And stop offering up more information than people need!” (Also on list of signs your turning 40).

Finally, I’m led back to my agent. Is that what you call them? The lady who is supposed to help me get a job. We start talking and I keep mentioning how old I am, how things were different back when I found a job before. Again, the voice is like, “Don’t tell people you are old! Jeez. Nobody cares, geezer! So what if you walked to your job up-hills both ways!”

She’s super nice (which I’m pretty sure is part of the job, but helps put me at ease) and writes down the kind of jobs I want and how much I want to make.

After we are done she tells me I need to fill out more forms and then I should do some testing. I hate to make Smoke and Scooter wait longer for me, but I want to do the testing and I don’t want to put it off. I want work!

I fill out all the paperwork, which is mostly benefit information and then the front desk lady sets up the testing. Well, actually, the first computer she sets me up at doesn’t work and I have to go back up and get her and I feel like I’m starting to annoy her at this point. I’m pretty sure she wrote in my file, “Annoying. Takes creepy dog with her everywhere. Talks about her bathroom habits.” 

The problem with testing on programs like Word, Excel and Outlook, is that even if you worked on it every day for at least 13 years (which I did), it doesn’t mean used every single feature of it. Some you just didn’t need. Plus they’ve upgraded so much, things you used to know how to do have changed. They do give you a lot of chances to go back if you did it wrong, but if you can’t do it after so many tries, you just don’t know. I don’t think I did bad on those, but I’m sure I could’ve done better.

My words per minute is 68. It’s 70 before mistakes. I don’t know if it’s that good or not. Since all I’ve been typing for the last six months are job applications, cover letters and blog entries, it seems pretty good to me.

Another problem with the testing is that it’s getting later in the day and the employment office is getting louder. They are sending out tax forms to their employees and with stamp prices going up it’s going to cost them over a thousand dollars to send them out. I hear about this and many other discussions while I’m trying to concentrate. I feel like they should move the computers a little further away from the front desk, especially when someone is taking a test.

Finally everything is done and I take my folder and free pen and say goodbye to front desk lady (hoping my cheerful disposition will make her forget my annoying habits) and go out to Smoke and Scooter still waiting in the parking lot.

Now I just wait for a job. Judging by how busy the office is it’s not going to be as fast as I hoped. They have a lot of employees. I told her I would even take short term assignments if they came up, but so far my phone is quiet. (I know…it’s only been two days. But still!)

Yesterday I was supposed to go back to that second employment agency, but I never got a confirmation email. I called the number that called me and left a message on the voicemail. Still no response. Then around two (an hour after I was supposed to be there), I get an email apologizing for not sending me a confirmation and asking when I wanted to reschedule.

I’m not sure about this agency. It doesn’t seem like it’s going to be very helpful if they can’t even get back to you in a timely manner. I will probably go because I have to look into every opportunity, but I’m even less hopeful. It’s closer to the city too, which I was trying to avoid.

After all this I’m not quite as optimistic as I was at the beginning of the week, but I haven’t given up hope. At least I have other people helping me find work now! Every step is a good step. Take it a day at a time. That’s how I look at life. Today I’m breathing. I have coffee. I have my spooky dog and evil cats and I just watched a reunion of the guys from Full House on GMA. Life is good!

Thanks for reading this long post and coming along for the ride! And thankful for the good luck wishes here and on Facebook. Having a place to talk about it helps me get through it!