Sign of the Times

Now that we are on the cusp of a new year, I thought I should post a special new year post. This has definitely been a crazy year for me. It started out so positive and then took a sharp turn off a cliff and crashed into a burning inferno. Then Godzilla stepped on the rubble. But I’m still a positive person at heart, so it’s all good. I have hope for 2014!

But in case you didn’t know, I’m turning 40 in February. I try not to think about it but in the corner of my mind it’s like, “40…40…40… You are old, girlfriend. And even older because your slang is really old too. Like gag me with a spoon. Sike.”

If the dates didn’t tell me I was getting older there are other clues:

Clues that I’m Turning 40.

1. I can’t go anywhere without taking a pee break. When did this happen? And I’ve usually gone before I left too. For the first 30 something years of my life, I rarely went to a public restroom unless it was a bar to puke or at work. To puke. For other reasons. But now I’m very aware of every restroom and have been to some pretty sleazy ones. I’m positive I’ll get some crazy disease soon. Because I’m old.

2. I blurt unnecessary comments to perfect strangers. I was at the checkout today and paid with cash. For some reason I had a lot of dollars (sadly not because I’m a stripper..I’m old) and as she was counting out the money I said, “I use my card so much now that I almost forget how to count.” Great, said the voice in my head. You just said you couldn’t count. Good thing this wasn’t a job interview! Which just makes me worry about my next job interview.

3. Duran Duran’s song, Hungry Like a Wolf is now a Yoplait yogurt commercial. Never thought I’d live to see that day. Sacrilege!

4. The 90’s have become retro. I’m pretty sure that’s impossible since they were only a couple years ago. And they were awesome! I think. I was in the bathroom a lot. Oh and I had a baby son. There was a lot of Barney!

5. I was watching Ghostbusters the other day (and quoting some of it out loud) when my son walked in and said, “What are you watching?” I almost broke down in tears. Where did I go wrong? Who are you going to call, son. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO CALL???

6. When I get home from anywhere all I want to do is pull on some comfy pants and thick socks. And my fingers hurt when it gets cold. I feel snow. My fingers are aching. Get me a blanket, dear! Turn up the heat!

7. I think about moving to Florida on a daily basis. It’s like a siren song. It’s calling me home. And it’s not to party at a beach. It’s to retire. I want to be Jerry’s parents. I think my six cats would enjoy it too.

8. I eat earlier and earlier every day. Around 4, I’m feeding the animals and wonder if it’s too early for me to cook. I mean, by the time it’s ready, it should be close to dinner time. Right? RIGHT? It’s not an early bird special. It’s not!

9. I was trying to look at small print today and kept thinking I needed to take my glasses off (I’m near-sighted) and realize my glasses are already off. Soon I won’t be able to see close or far! I will need bifocals. On a chain. Around my neck!

10. I have an inexplicable urge to make crafts. I went to two different craft stores today. I’m thinking of cross stitching something, which will require glasses. On a chain. Around my neck!

Yes, I am turning 40. And I know I’m lucky to be turning 40. Some aren’t so lucky. But it doesn’t mean I can’t complain! It’s what older people do. Get off my lawn you kids!

I want to wish everyone a very Happy New Year! I have high hopes for this year. Now it’s time to go to bed. It’s 9:00. Oh crap. It’s New Years Eve. I will stay up to 10!

Happy 2014! Let’s hope it’s a better one!

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