It’s My Prerogative

This morning I wake up after having a dream I’m neglecting my hamster. I don’t own a hamster. Does anyone else have dreams they are neglecting animals they don’t have. No? Anyway…

I don’t need to start getting ready for my interview until 10, so I start looking for jobs while watching Tyler Perry shows. Both of them deal with drug abuse. Tyler Payne really needs to look up the definition of sitcom! The messages are good, but the laugh track is usually out of place and awkward.

At 10, I get in the shower and start dressing. I save the panty hose for last. Yes, I’m old school. I still believe if you are wearing a suit with a skirt, you should wear panty hose. A few websites agree with me too. I bought sheer pantyhose and trusted what the package said. Well, I guess I should’ve checked first because when I pull them out, they are sheer, but are a dark brown. When I put them on, it looks like I have some skin disease. Crap! There’s no way I’m going without pantyhose. I try on a pair of black pants I have, but they don’t match the jacket. Oh well. What can I do? That’ll teach me!

I print out the job description, an extra copy of my resume and walk out the door around 11:15 with Scooter trailing me the whole way, having a temper tantrum. He has anxiety issues. He swears every time I leave, I’m never EVER coming back. When I reach for the doorknob he nips at my hand. It’s nice to be loved! Does anyone have the dog whisperer’s number?

I leave early because I want to make sure I get there on time. Out in this part of Northern Virginia, you never know what might delay you. I once got hit by a tire rolling down the road. I wish I was kidding.

On the way I listen to some Eric Church. I have his live CD and it gets me psyched up. He’s a little more Rock-n-Roll than Country so I play him loud.

My directions are amazingly easy and I find the building with no problem. It’s not that far from where I used to work so that helps. It’s a little too easy so I’m there a half-an-hour early. This never happens to me! I’m frantically texting Katie and my friend Suz, like, “What do I do now??” And I have to pee. The office looks kind of small and the windows are tinted so I can’t see inside at all. I see a couple guys walk in from lunch with khakis on. And there I am in my suit hiding in the car. On the way there, I passed a McDonald’s and Arby’s and think about driving back, but then I don’t want to eat and I’d have to buy something to use their bathroom and…

My head hurts from all this thinking. So I wait. Suz says to wait until about 10 minutes before I’m supposed to be there. She also tells me not to fidget. Suddenly, I don’t think I can make myself leave the car. But I do. My skirt is kind of skinny and I hobble over to the door and press the buzzer. A lady comes out, “Are you here for Mr. Blah. He’s kind of behind. Can you sign in and wait over there?”

Over there is two chairs and a table in this outer room. You can’t see into the office. It’s limbo land. There’s no A/C so I’m kind of uncomfortable in my suit jacket. I sit on one of the chairs with my legs press firmly together (I actually have to remind myself of that. I spent many years only wearing pants).  On the table between the two chairs there’s a book on Aztec Art. Ok. On the wall is a picture depicting the signing of the Declaration of Independence. To the left of me is a picture of the Lincoln Memorial…without the graffiti.

Here’s some of my thoughts:

“Don’t fidget. What’s that book? Am I really supposed to read that book? Suz told me not to play with my phone, but I don’t want to read that book. Crap, is that Scooter hair? Stop fidgeting with your suit! Just leave it! Oh my God these pantyhose are ugly. Are they starting to droop? Stop playing with your pantyhose! What if this is like Men in Black and they are somewhere watching you right now?”

A few people walk through my limbo land and go inside the inner sanctum. Finally, Mr. Man comes out and introduces himself. He brings me into the promised land and the interview is on.

I’m not going to go through all of that. I will say that I do feel experienced for it since it has to do with Access databases, which I worked with all the time in my last job. There’s a little bit of interface with other people and when he asked about my weakness, I mentioned I could be introverted until I’m familiar with everyone. Then ‘d only be introverted when I wanted to be. Because it’s my prerogative! (Bobby Brown).

I don’t fidget but I do realize that I never bothered to be put down my purse so it’s been wrapped around my arm the whole time. We seem to have a good rapport, but it could be just the way he is all the time and really he was thinking, “Why is this blonde still talking?”

When he walks me out, he’s like, “Do you need to use the restroom before you leave?”

Me: “Can I???”

Like he’s going to say, “No. I was just kidding. GET OUT.”

He walks me out but before he that he tells me he has some more interviews and they’d let me know.

Either way, I’m glad I got my first interview out of the way. At least I feel more confident that I could do the job now than I did going in.

On the way home, I stop at Target (yes, it’s a sickness…) and as I’m walking in, I feel my skirt give way in the back. I pray that it hasn’t ripped all the way up and I’m doing a Rachel in Mindy and Barry’s wedding. But of course that doesn’t stop me from walking on. Nothing will ruin my trip to Target! I’m walking through one section and I feel something under my jacket. I forgot a tag! Not one anyone could see, but I did forget it nonetheless.. *sigh* One day I’ll get myself together. Maybe…

I call Katie on the way home and tell her the whole story. The ride home takes forever. I can’t believe I did that commute everyday! And I might do it again!

When I get home, I’m ripping off the suit, so happy to be free! The pantyhose, I throw away. See ya later skin disease!

It was a long day. I’m so tired. But I feel good.  I feel like I did something positive. I was confident even though I might’ve said all the wrong things. Who knows? At least I didn’t freak out and run out the door! And I never mentioned my cats once! Yay me!

Until tomorrow…

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