Retail Therapy

Today I went shopping. After my crappy Monday, I needed to get out. Once I applied for my daily job, I went up to DSW. I still need shoes for the suit. Walking in, I realized DSW is way above the price limit of an unemployed chick. I saw a pair of flip-flops for $20!! These are not even special flip-flops. They are flip-flops like I bought at the $1 Old Navy sale! But the shoes are pretty so I try some on. I mostly try on the slutty heels and practice walking around in them. You know… In case I end up on a corner. Or on a pole. You never know…

Next I go to Home Goods. I really didn’t plan on buying anything there, but they have so much cool crap! Like this owl:

Hoots

Nobody needs this owl. But how can you not help but want it? Of course I don’t buy it. I buy some odds and ends. A frame for my nephew’s picture, something for Katie’s baby and some measuring cups… At home I only have the 1/3 cup and 1 cup. That is totally useless. What if you need a 1/4? You have to estimate using the 1 cup. I can’t do that! I suck at math! Oh and I got Scooter a rooster. Because who doesn’t need a rooster?

Rooster

It even says cock-a-doodle-doo! Anything that says cock is good for me. Umm… What? Anyway… I finally get out of there. That place is the Bermuda Triangle of Household crap! You never want to leave.

Then I got to Five and Below. That place is worse. Have you been there? Everything is less than five dollars (hence the name) so you feel like you can buy EVERYTHING and it doesn’t cost money. Not real money anyway. That’s where I find it. Heaven. Aka… “The Wall of Gummies.”

Gummies

Oooooooooooooooo! I hear the angels sing. I nearly pass out. I kid you not, I just started grabbing bag after bag. Then I make myself stop. And I zero in on one…

Smurf Gummies

Smurf’s!! I love Smurf’s! Believe it or not, this is all I buy. But it wasn’t easy. Turning my back on all that gummy crack. But I’m a good girl now! I walk away.

By the time I buy a lot of worthless crap from this place, it’s time to go. Really time to go…

Mainly because when I was in Home Goods I got a voice mail from the Unemployment department. On Friday I have to go to a mandatory orientation. I have to learn to be unemployed! It’s at the local community college and starts at 9. She said, “You’ll be out of there by noon.” Oh, well, if that’s all! Piece of cake! She also tells me I can bring my resume and the teacher will look at it. Great…

Of course I wonder what I should wear. I’m assuming casual so I’m thinking jeans… I had no idea there was school involved in this. Oh and I have to stop and buy paper because I’ve never actually printed out my resume. Nobody asks you to mail a resume anymore.

But when I get home I push this aside and make dinner. Tonight it was Salibury Steak (not Hungry Man!) and mashed potatoes. Yes, instant. I should’ve tried to make them homemade since the instant wasn’t that good. But the boys eat without complaint.
 
Salisbury Steak

Scooter loves his cock-uh, his rooster.

Scooters rooster

I drink some Peach Benini Smirnoff Ice and feel relaxed. In fact, I still do. Oh and I bought Scooter a leash today so I’m hoping to start walking. Walking will be good. Walking around stores doesn’t count.

Now I have to go. I have to go bite a head off a Smurf. Papa Smurf is next. Pretentious know-it-all Smurf is what they should’ve called him. Don’t feel bad for him. He had it coming! La-la-la my ass!

Until tomorrow…

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