This morning I woke up with a plan. A quest! To exchange my pants. Strange how even such a small plan becomes big when you want to fill the hours of the day. I was feeling so positive and optimistic that I applied for a job. On a Sunday! Why not? I can do no wrong! That feeling didn’t last long…
I didn’t just plan on exchanging pants. I had other stores in mind. But first back to Burlington Coat Factory! Today it’s much calmer. Not a lot of kids running around. I’m able to get my money back for the pants quickly. I start looking through the pants and realize they don’t have a pair in my size that wasn’t petite. What’s that about? But since I didn’t want to get the wrong shade of black that won’t match the coat (there are shades of black. They are totally different from Shades of Grey. Stay away from those!), I end up buying a skirt instead. And it’s cheaper! I’m a cheap skirt type of girl. That’s what they tell me anyway.
I buy the skirt and continue on my way to Barnes and Noble. Going to the library was cool, but I needed to be around new books. Since Borders closed, I rarely get to a bookstore. I walk in and take a deep breath. Ahhh… It’s been awhile since I smelled fresh books. I’m pretty sure I have an orgasm right then and there, which was probably annoying for the people trying to walk around me. I guess I should’ve waited until after I walked all the way through the doors first.
My tentative plan was to look for the book that JK Rowling wrote under another name. I miss Harry Potter like I miss pure sugar in my coffee after I went on my diet. I don’t see her book, but I do see a book written by Jim Gaffigan. He’s one of my favorite comedians. I read a couple pages and laugh out loud right there in the bookstore (after the orgasm, I figure anything goes). I browse some more and see some crazy things like a Shades of Grey party game. Really? What’s that like?
“Now tie your partner up and annoy her with corny phrases like ‘laters baby’.”
“Your innner goddess says to smack yourself. Do it now. Hard. Do it again because you bought this stupid game and obviously read the books.”
Satisfied with the Jim Gaffigan book, I leave, using a gift card I’d had in my wallet. I love free money!
Next on my quest was a trip to the the grocery store Aldi. If you’re not familiar with this store, you pay a quarter for a cart and they have really good discounts. Most of the food are brands you’ve never heard of and I’ve heard that not everything is great, but you can find some good bargains. Katie had told me about how much she loved their chicken salad and how they had pretzel buns. JJ loves those pretzel burgers Wendy’s has, so I wanted some!
I have a ritual when I get out of the car. Turn it off. Use the button on my key to lock the car. Put the keys in my purse. Get out of car. Pretty basic. I do this every time I get out of the car. Well, this time I stopped and checked my purse, making sure my money hadn’t fallen out. Well, I guess I forgot to put the keys back in after locking it because yes. I’d locked my keys in the car.
I usually do this at least once a year. I was due, I guess. It used to be a lot worse. We didn’t have an extra key to my Blazer, so it entailed breaking into my car every time like criminals. Good times. I call Smoke and of course I get “the lecture”. I love the lecture. Like I got confused what keys are for. I’m blonde, but not that blonde.
I get very lucky and he’s able to give my extra key to my mother-in-law who is on the way to rescue me. Yay! I won’t get Act II of the lecture. This is the part where someone gets hurt. And it’s not me!
I start walking around the store since I have some time to kill. I find the chicken salad but not the pretzel buns. I find some hummus. I need that! I find some tiny croissants for the chicken salad. I find pretzels for the hummus. I find face cleanser. I find cat food? Ok. I didn’t pay the quarter for the cart so my arms are starting to hurt. Every once in awhile I stop and put some crap down so I can rub my arms and text Katie.
I’m standing by the cat food and toilet paper (yes, they are close. I did say this wasn’t a normal grocery store, right?) A man says, “Excuse me?”
I look around to see if he’s really talking to me. “Yes?”
He points to the toilet paper in front of him and then points to the price above. “This 12 pack of toilet paper is $5.99?”
Does he think I work there? Does he think toilet paper is an ice breaker to get a woman’s attention? It’s pretty obvious that yes, the 12 pack of toilet paper is $5.99. It stretches all the way to where I’m standing in the crazy cat lady section. There’s no other item close enough to be mistaken for $5.99.
Me: “Yes. The toilet paper is $5.99.”
Him: “Thank you.”
Seriously. What was that? I wait until it’s not obvious I’m running away from TP Man and find another place to perch. I see him again a couple of times since the store is small and I have nowhere to go. He’s with a woman and I’m pretty sure it’s his mother. That doesn’t make it better.
My mother-in-law gets there and I pay for my stuff and I’m out of there.
I seriously have to give a shout out to my mother-in-law. She bought me flowers yesterday. She rescued me today without complaining. She really is the best! I guess it’s just a day in the life of having a blonde daughter-in-law.
Smoke is at the reno house so I go home to an empty house. Ahh… I put away my crap and relax.
Then it’s time to make dinner. I had a new recipe but my phone was acting up so I couldn’t take pictures. It was super easy though. You brown some sweet Italian sausage and then add Ragu green peppers and mushroom sauce. Then you boil up some frozen ravioli’s and when they are ready dump them in. Sprinkle some parmesan cheese and voila! Everybody liked it. And I made it! Who’d have thought?
I do have a picture of the finished product. I’m not good at taking food pictures. It looks like flying saucers that landed in some sauce.
After dinner I watch Bridesmaids. I love that movie! It’s my go-to confort movie.
Oh! And this morning I finished A Piece of Cake by Cupcake Brown. That was truly an inspirational book. This woman quit every drug known to man and alcohol and worked her way through law school. I teared up a number of times. I want to read more about her and see what she’s up to now.
Three weeks ago I started this blog. I hope people enjoy it. I try to entertain while still sharing what I’m going through being unemployed. It’s definitely been a roller coaster of emotions and I never know what’s going to happen next. There’s still a little fear and panic in the back of my mind, but I refuse to let it got the best of me. This blog helps. It gives me a goal at the end of the day.
Thank you for coming along on the trip. Even when I lock the keys out of my car. Now it’s your turn in the Shades of Grey game… “Bite your lip. Go to the game room. Do not collect a condom. Have crappy sex.”