Snake Man

My trip to the library today was pretty uneventual, but successful. I was able to get a library card and even even got five books. For free! Of course I do have to give them back, which is actually cool, because that’s less clutter in my house. Why did I never think of this before? Why didn’t anyone tell me about library’s?

When I got home, I was looking through the schedule of July activities for the library. A lot of them were pretty cool. They even have a book club! But some were kind of strange. This is a relatively rural area so this doesn’t surprise me, but one did raise my eyebrows.

Snake Man 2

Snakes Alive!! There’s so many things wrong with this picture, I need to list them:

1. The picture is of bad quality since it’s photocopied but it looks like the man is shirtless. So right away you’re picturing this shirtless-dude walking in with a snake wrapped around him.

2. He’s called a herpetologist. I looked it up and it does mean: a zoologist who studies reptiles and amphibians. So it’s legit. But a word that puts herpes in my mind isn’t a good thing. Now I’m seeing a herpes infected shirtless man showing my children his snake.

3. He has a Burt Reynolds mustache. I confirmed this with my husband. So now I have a porno ‘stached, shirtless, herpes infected man showing his snake to my children.

4. The sentence: “Every child gets to touch a snake.” Wrong. Just wrong.

5. Look how many times he’s there. 10:30, 2:30 and 6:30. It’s like he has nowhere else to go. I guess his porno’s don’t shoot on Thursday’s. Or since 1975.

Here’s how I picture it:

All the kids are sitting in a circle. Shirtless man walks in, a snake wrapped around his body and a beer in his hand. “Hey, kids you wanna touch a snake?” he slurs out. He lets out a burp before winking at one of the mom’s. “You can touch my other snake later on. If you know what I mean.”

I know… I know. I’m wrong for doing that. That’s why I crossed the poor dude’s name out. But he honestly looks like he has no shirt on!

Snakes alive!!! Libraries truly are awesome.

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