Blonde Math

Last night during my gummy bear binge, Katie asked me if I wanted to go with her and the kids to see Despicable Me 2. Heck yeah, I do! I love hanging out with her and the kids. It beats sitting around thinking about that pesky umemployment thing.

But because I do need to worry about it, first thing this morning I work on registering for the employment website you are required to register with to claim unemployment. That takes a lot longer than it should of course. In the meantime, Katie texts me and asks if I want to see the 12:50 show or the 2:00 show. I’m all for the early show. After all, it only takes 45 minutes to get to her house!

That’s from the reno house. I’m not at the reno house. I’m at my house. Smoke is like, “You know that adds another 20 minutes to the trip.” Crap. Suddenly I go from having plenty of time to late! Blonde math is tricky!

I text her again letting her know I’m an idiot and will need to meet her at the theater. I’m pouting because she was making egg salad sandwiches and I really wanted one! But now I’m not going to have any egg salad. Because I can’t tell time!

After one stop to the ATM, I’m cruising towards the theater. Cars are pulling out of my way. I’m on the windy road near the reno house and this RV literally pulls over to let me go around them. But in my defense, they were going very slow. Of course when I thought about a cop pulling me over, I wondered what they would say when I’m like, “Dude, I’m on the way to see Despicable Me 2! I love them minions!” Would they provide me a police escort the rest of the way? I’m pretty sure they would! More than likely though I’d end up in an Andy Griffith style prison with Otis. This is the country.

Anyway, I make one wrong turn but the map application on my phone refuses to acknowledge we made a mistake. It keeps telling me to make left turns. It’s like a NASCAR driver is controlling it. Finally, I ask it, “Do you want me to just turn around?” Yes, I often talk to my phone. Without waiting for it to answer me back, I stop where I am and turn around. I’m at the theater in two lights. Why couldn’t it just tell me to turn around? It must be a man.

I get to the theater and luckily since it’s a dinner theater, I don’t have to worry about getting tickets. Katie already ordered them and they take them at your seat. The only problem is that the show is sold out and since I’m there with only 10 minutes to spare, there are millions of women with kids. The movie hasn’t started, but the lights are down low so I can’t see crap. I tell myself that I just need to look for a pregnant woman, but there are a bunch of them too. Seriously what was going on 9 months ago? I finally text her, “Where are you?” I need to find her, because now people are looking at me like I’m some creeper who just comes to a kids movie to stand around and watch them.

Katie stands up and I’m happy again. After I sit down, I pick up a menu and decide to order a milk shake since I missed the egg salad. Katie orders one too. They come in the metal cups with a straw and a spoon. They are awesome! Katie has to share hers with her kids, but since my kid is 18 and probably still sleeping (at noon), I don’t have to! Poor Katie. I really did feel bad. Really!

The movie is cute. I love Gru’s interaction with the girls. It also had the voice of my favorite actress Kristen Wiig’s so I was happy. Katie and I were exchanging smuggled in gummy candy. She has the cola bottles and I have (Smoke’s) gummy bears of course.

Afterwards I decide to go home, but I’m still pouting about the egg salad. I’m thinking about how I would need to stop for eggs on the way home and then figure out how to make egg salad again. That’s when Katie tells me she still has my sandwich at her house. It’s in a little baggie and everything. That seals it! I’m following her home!

Honestly, she’s probably lucky she ever gets rid of me. After we get to her house, she packs me up a sandwich and a brownie. Pregnant friends rock! They always have the good snacks.

The other awesome thing that happened is that her son calls me ‘elanie now. I think before this summer, I was just the crazy blonde lady his mom had lunch with once in awhile, but now he actually says my name and talks to me! We had a long conversation while his mother and sister were in Martin’s. I only understood “T-Rex” and “Roar” but he seemed to be satisfied.

Kids really make you feel young. The egg sandwich was yummy. It was a good day.

I’m still the crazy blonde lady. But you can call me ‘elanie.

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